Easily Excitable

I walked into my classroom at 11:30 on Tuesday, and I was hit by an odor. It was faintly familiar- one of those scents that’s seemingly from a lifetime ago. 

It took a moment or two, and then it hit me: my classroom smelled like a McDonald’s ball pit.

A truly incredible mix of plastic and body odor (intermingled, naturally, with the distinct scent of Old Spice and Winter Wonderland Bath and Body Works lotion). 

When I told this to my fifth period, they all burst into giggles, as any teenager with a pulse is wont to do. 

This further proves that these children and I did not grow up in the same generation. 

How has this been my gig for 8 years?

How am I still standing? 

How is it that one of the most reliable parts of my life is the most unpredictable demographic we have? 

WHY?!

I have been at the job longer than I have lived alone, longer than I have been married, longer than I actually went to high school. 

All this was rolling around in my head this week.

I’ve been thinking about this job, thinking about the past eight years, and thinking about what comes next. 

And here is a drive-by thought I had: 

Over the past eight years, I have developed some strong opinions about teenagers. 

Now, in my mind, my ‘opinions’ are fact: you 100% don’t have to take them as such. 

As always, feel free to totally ignore my writings, and know that I don’t blame you one bit. 

The only one who considers me an authority is me, largely because we’re all a bit subjective towards ourselves in the first place. 

It should always be remembered that I do not have my own kids: chances are, I’ll probably be a trash parent. 

BUT. Because I am largely impartial when it comes to your children, I feel like I’m a great judge for them.

And that gives me the right to write about them. 

Right?! 

The long and short is this: here are a few things (not an exhaustive list…never an exhaustive list) I’ve learned and come to believe about kids/ teenagers (there’s not much difference between a five and fifteen year old, save for hair and height). 

You’ll never be able to convince me otherwise. 

1. Accountability feels like unkindness when it’s first felt at school. 

I hate to even kick off with that one. 

If parents aren’t holding kids accountable at home, their teachers have no shot.

Home is a place where kids can make mistakes, be confronted by an adult, and learn how to have that confrontation. 

Because of your relationship and proximity to your child, they won’t believe you’re holding their feet to the fire and having high standards because you don’t like them. 

(Folks, I’m talking about this accountability beginning when they are little people. Every teenager thinks every other person does not like them. I AM AWARE.)

Accountability never really feels good, but it’s a lot less painful when it begins at home, rather than in a classroom. 

Parents can speak to their kids’ hearts in a way we teachers can’t: kids know their parents love them and, though they never might admit it, genuinely want the best for them. 

The first encounter with tough love does not need to be in the context of a student-teacher relationship. 

Teachers and students most often get tangled up when the teacher is trying to hold the student accountable and that accountability is a foreign feeling.

No one likes to be reprimanded, no one likes to be called out, and no one likes to be disciplined, but this is a part of life.

It’s how we grow.

Equip your child before they leave your house.

2. There is one surefire way to make a smart kid: 

It’s a four letter word: READ. 

Reading to kids and making sure they read?

There is no bigger determinant of success, in my opinion.  

There is only one way to get better at grammar. 

There is only one way to become a better writer. 

There is only one way to increase vocabulary. 

That one way is reading. 

In a high school setting, I can tell which of my kids were read to and which were not. 

I don’t think the alarm can be sounded enough to show just how much of a problem phones have created in families.

Sadly, one of the main casualties is reading.

It’s a familiar song and dance: phones have become babysitters and entertainers. 

They’ve taken the palace of creative play and reading. 

I implore you, for the well-being of your child: read to them and encourage them to read. 

3. Home needs to be the escape. 

My kids hate when I start any story with, “Back in my day…” 

But all the same: back in my day, our phones were- for the most part- flip phones, and social media was around, but your Facebook communications most likely revolved around pictures and comments on your wall from your family members.

That isn’t the case now. 

Smartphones replaced the ones that flipped. Social media has exploded. 

For us? Escaping the school bullies was easy: we just went home. 

Our parents were there, as were our siblings, but the hate that reared its head in large groups of teenagers stayed at the schoolhouse.

Now, though, the phone functions more like an appendage. And that means that your kids’ bullies get to hang out in your house without ever walking through your front door. 

For your kids’ sanity, it would be wise to- somehow- cut down or cut out the phone use at the house. Know when it’s time to put it away. 

I don’t know what that looks like because, again, I’m an expert on the classroom, not the whole ‘parenting at home’ gig. 

Home doesn’t have to be the place with all the bells and whistles and all the cool gadgets.

Kids need stability. They need to go outside. They need to be bored. 

They need to be loved. 

These things will do for your kid’s future what the latest iPhone could never. 

4. Sitting on the bench isn’t the worst thing that could happen to your child. 

I say this as one who ‘coached’ for a bit. I put quotations on that because I was the worst assistant coach you’ve ever seen. 

This is just the truth. 

But your child learning how to play a supporting role is the best way to fight their selfishness and narcissism (we all have it- not just your kids!).

It is a good thing to learn how to still contribute as an understudy- to know your role and encourage.  

Sometimes, the best thing we can bring to the table is being the best cheerleader on the bench. 

A high-character kid is not the same thing as a highly-skilled kid. 

And believe me: you would much prefer to parent a good kid who doesn’t play than a monster with a good batting average. 

Don’t rescue your kids from adversity. 

5. So, mental health days. Okay, fine. But, here’s the thing…

I have heard some of the rigamarole- the conversation- around students having mental health days. 

I mean…that wasn’t how we did it, but I can understand, see, and accept that. 

Here is what I will say though: 

If you want to have a real mental health day, your child shouldn’t have their phone during it. The phone is the biggest contributor to rising levels of anxiety and depression. 

It’s creating focus issues, and I would argue it’s decreased our kids’ attention spans substantially. 

So, really? If you want your kid to have a true mental health day, they should not have the number one thing that causes their issues in the first place. 

For sure, their argument would be such: “My phone helps my mental health. It’s the only thing that helps.”

Don’t believe it. 

Contrary to what culture might tell you, teenagers do not necessarily know what is best for them. 

Again, this is not an exhaustive list. 

These are just some of the things that have been on my mind as of late. 

Take it or leave it: believe me or don’t. These are the things, though, that I consider worthy of a mention. 

And, I always want to make sure I say this, too: 

There is no group I would rather teach than teenagers. 

They’re smelly, weird, emotional, and hormonal. 

But they’re still my favorites.