Easily Excitable

This past week, I turned 31. I’m grateful for all of the birthday wishes. Personally, I’m the worst when it comes to remembering birthdays.

I just wished one of my best friends a happy birthday this past week as she passed along birthday well-wishes to me.

Her birthday was in June. I was embarrassed, and I haven’t stopped thinking about it for the past 4 months. 

That’s my personality, I guess. 

10 years ago, I got saved. 

It was the summer when I was 21. So, I guess it was *10ish* years ago. And by saved, for anyone who maybe didn’t grow up in church, here is what I mean by that: 

I stepped into a relationship with Jesus. 

Now, there are lots of odd places I’ve found myself in on account of faith; the stories are endless:

I could tell you about the times that Ansley Giddens and I got absolutely destroyed by our rogue VBS class.

I could tell you about the time Trey and I helped host a free yard sale and almost got trampled. 

I could tell you about the time I found myself in a half-rotting house, walking on plywood floors. 

Jesus’ll put you in some real weird situations. 

But, that said, Here’s something I’m thanking God for right now: 

It’s another by-product of faith that’s been on my mind this week.

Jesus has given me the privilege of seeing seeds planted in faith come full circle. 

Five, six, seven, ten years out, I see the fruit of those seeds.

Sometimes, though, it didn’t feel a whole lot like ‘planting.’ Often, it felt like God was pulling, yanking, poking, digging, prodding, cutting, and snapping. ‘Unappealing’ would be a kind word for it

I have a little bit better vantage point to see and appreciate what He did with my puny, whispered “Okay”s, even when it felt like it broke me in the moment. 

My circle of friends is proof of that. 

My marriage is proof of that. 

My career is proof of that. 

My relationship with my family is proof of that. 

This blog, even, is proof of that. 

It’s good to remember that.

I say all this, in part, to remind me of this: 

That even when faithful obedience is hard, it pays out in the end. 

That our ‘yes’ muscle has to be trained. 

That obstacles always look scarier in the windshield than they do in the rearview.

But I also say this to anyone who, like me, wants to act faithfully but struggles to do so. 

Now, I don’t know if this rings true for everyone: I can’t speak for others. But in my life, I can tell you that this, for the past 10 years, has been the case: 

There was never a wasted moment of trusting God. This trust is that He can see the big picture, while my vision is consumed by what’s in front of me. 

For the next few weeks, as we go into Thanksgiving,

I’d like to focus and write about what I’m grateful for.  

At 31, I’m thankful for the moments where God let me see acts of faith come full circle. 

Sometimes, I got to make a decision to step in a direction of faith. 

Sometimes, it felt a little more like God tossed me out into the pool, whether I liked it or not. 

I guess the choice in those ‘pool-tossing moments’ was whether I could have faith in God to move or not. 

At 31, I’m thankful for the good things in my life that are visible and valuable only because they came from steps of faith. 

I’m grateful for the confidence God’s given me- confidence not in me, but in the fact that He’s working in all things and in every situation.

I’m especially grateful for the forgiveness He gives me when I don’t trust Him. Even after all He’s done for me? There are still more times of not trusting than I would like to admit.

I don’t think that, at 21, I would have guessed what God was going to pull me into. 

And I’m grateful for that: I think if we could see the full picture, we wouldn’t have the courage to get out of bed. 

I find myself awestruck by a Savior who doesn’t ask us for every yes all at once, but rather asks for small steps taken faithfully, over and over again. 

Truly, I think those small steps, even when taken with reluctance, coupled with knees knocking together in fear, pave the way for the leaps God eventually asks us to take. 

And what I’ve personally found is that He’s faithful to meet us in the going, as well as at the intended destination. 

What a Savior. For this, I thank God.