Easily Excitable

On our first anniversary (I think that’s right?? Maybe it was after one month??), I remember writing a post wherein I made the comment that I wouldn’t give marriage advice until Trey and I were past the annulment period. 

Well, color me shocked, as this past week, I learned that time has nothing to do with annulment.

Annulment is moreso about the validity of your marriage, rather than the length of it

What’s more, last weekend, Trey and I got into an argument disagreement about making the bed. 

Erego, it’s safe to say I will NOT be giving any marriage advice. 

What I will say, instead, is that Trey and I celebrated our three year anniversary this past week. 

We’re still in our cozy cottage singlewide. W

e brought a new baby into the family this year in the form of a four-legged (lovable) buffoon named Boone, who likes to sleep on his back with his precious bits in the air and enjoys hobbies like eating trash and ladybugs.

He also loves to lick my legs after I put lotion on.  

See what I mean? He is lovable. But he is a buffoon. 

Three years later, I can attest that I love my marriage. 

I appreciate the habits and routines, the little quirks you memorize in the other, and even the little areas where we diverge in ways of doing. 

(So long as we can agree that my way is the best way.)

Marriage, for us, has been a lot of fun. 

But across our marriage, we’ve seen friends lose spouses. We’ve seen their marriages fizzle out. 

That’s the reality of the world we live in. So, all the more do I value this marriage; all the more do I remind myself not to take it for granted. 

So, no: there’s not much marriage advice I could give. 

But! Here’s what I will say: 

There are some things that are certain in marriage- some inescapable truths. 

These, I like to think of as the ‘inevitabilities’ of marriage- those things in marriage you realize best from the inside.

These would be the things I would tell young Emmie to look for in a future spouse: lucky for her, that particular village idiot ended up marrying the creme de la creme. 

(As I’ve said before, God looks after children and idiots.)

Because what you best realize on the inside, based on those certainties of life? 

Marriage is a lot more practical than you think. 

So just what are those inevitabilities? Well, I think about this one first: 

This year, we will, God willing, have another Christmas tree (read: 3ft tall Christmas bush- our singlewide cannot handle the XL version).

I will inevitably mess up somehow, whether intentionally or otherwise. 

Trey will be left to inevitably fix the consequences or ignore them. 

Which is par for the course really: Trey’s a DIY genius when it comes to fixing the broken sundries around the trailer, be it a dryer, a washer, a crack in the bathtub, the stairs in the back of the house, the dog pen, or the sprayer on the sink. 

Thank goodness, because my idea of fixing things is either ignoring it or using copious amounts of duct tape. 

Inevitability #1? Stuff breaks, so you better marry someone handy. 

There will also come times when things must be built. 

This might be the dog pen attached to the bed, the dog pen attached to the living room wall, the dog carrier for the backseat, the dog tub outside (what a spoiled mutt!).

It could even be the Blackstone grill, the auxiliary AC unit for an uninsulated trailer, or even a dryer rack for dishes (three years strong with no dishwasher).

Inevitability #2? Stuff needs to be built in the first place, so you better marry someone creative. 

Moreover, there will be times when you see something funny, and you realize that hilarity is best when shared with another.

This could be a TV show, a funny video online, a situation in real life that’s too strange for fiction, a work story, or a childhood memory. 

This could be that one spouse (me) who’s bound and determined to be the clumsiest person alive. 

It might well be the other mispronouncing ‘crudite’ or ‘muscadine’ or ‘Tulane.’ Because, really, is there anything funnier than a stranger correcting your spouse’s pronunciation? 

Inevitability #3? Laughing alone isn’t nearly as fun, so marry someone with a good sense of humor. 

There will be times when things must be found. 

A sheet of college ruled paper, a pair of socks, a pair of shorts, a pan for the grill, a tube of toothpaste, a spare roll of toilet paper, a seasoning I thought we bought, or a tool someone didn’t put back in the right place. 

Sometimes, it might just be a solution to an issue. Other times, it could very well be the dog’s elk bone. 

Inevitability #4? Things get misplaced, so you better marry someone who excels at finding things. 

There will be times when stuff around the house is disgusting. 

When someone needs to dig through dog excrement to make sure he passed something he shouldn’t’ve eaten in the first place.. 

When someone has to clean out a food container a little past its prime. 

When the drain needs snaking, the toilet needs cleaning, the flu tissues need picking up, the trashcan needs sanitizing, the dog’s vomit needs (I am literally gagging right now) cleaning up. 

Inevitability #5? Life can be gross, so you better marry someone who has a stomach of steel.

There will be times when the world is mean. 

When things don’t make sense, when life is sad, when teenagers throw you into a rage- 

When life isn’t fair, when it seems like everything is heavy, when you’re giving great effort, but not seeing much returns, when it seems like the world has absolutely lost its mind and even when it seems like it’s totally against you altogether. 

Inevitability #6? Life, as a general rule, is hard, so you better marry someone who’s always on your side, even if he disagrees with you. 

There will be times when you butt heads. 

When the microwave was the wrong dimension, when one felt slighted because the other laughed at someone she shouldn’t have, when a social faux pas has been committed. 

There are disagreements: over the unmade bed, the dog, and the fact that neither of you wants to make a decision on what to do this weekend. 

There will be the…

You just- 

You shouldn’t have-

I didn’t like-

I just wish that-

I feel like-

Because, really, anytime you put two people together in such close proximity, there’s bound to be a little friction. 

Inevitability #7? Things will go sideways, so you better marry someone who is good at both apologizing AND accepting apologies. And, more importantly, you better get darn good at apologizing yourself. 

As I said earlier, marriage is a work of practicality.

I know that, whenever kids come along, this will become even more important. 

But, even with it being just Trey and me, there are vet appointments to make, hair appointments to shift, chiropractor appointments to adjust. 

On weekends, there’s the getting-to and going-from logistics.

There are church conferences, committee meetings, and Sunday School lessons to be planned. 

There are workout routines, meals to cook, after school grading-in-the-backyard. 

And figuring out how to best work together when it’s just us two? I can only think that’ll help when two multiplies into a greater number. 

I think we’ve both learned to pull our own weight and give grace in the moments when it doesn’t look like the other is doing quite that. 

Marriage is a team sport. 

I believe that every marriage has its strengths. 

Ours happens to be that we are really good at being really good friends. 

I married the one person who I probably should never sit beside in church because he’s the one person who gets me tickled more than anyone else. 

At the end of the day, our story doesn’t work out if God’s not threading the needle. I believe that the circumstances around us meeting in the first place had some divine influence. 

We needed that because I don’t think either of us could have ever hoped to stumble into the kind of marriage God’s given us. 

So, on this third Saturday of November, I’m grateful for three years of marriage to, truly, the best man I know. 

All glory be to God.