Easily Excitable

If you were to ask me why I started teaching, it would be simple: 

I’m not really sure how I ended up here. 

No, seriously: it’s the truth. 

In all of my very serious 21-year-old-wisdom (peep the sarcasm), college was ending and I had no clue what I was going to do. 

At the beginning of January 2017, I figured I would figure it out. 

By the end of January 2017, with a graduation quickly looming? 

I did NOT have it figured out. 

However, a ‘happenstance’ talk with a mentor led to a God-ordained career opportunity. 

But believe you me, this is far from what I initially had in mind. 

After all, I graduated with, of all things, an English degree. What in the world can you even do with that? 

For a hot moment, I considered politics or even law school. 

Thank goodness I didn’t. 

After all, why would I want to make a lot of money occasionally arguing with people when I could argue with teenagers every day for pennies on the dollar?!

I’ve thought about other careers, and to be honest, I just don’t think there is another one that would use my gifts as totally as this one does. 

That in and of itself is something. 

Because, for me, it’s a peephole into how God can craft a reality better (and more outlandish) than any fiction we could imagine. 

I mean, honestly, look at my skills: 

I can focus on nothing for more than 30 seconds: in a classroom, there are multiple things at all times to focus on. 

I love to run my mouth: I do nothing but all day long. 

I like hot weather: I’m off in the summer. 

I can at times be witty: I have people to smart off at all day long. 

I have annoying amounts of energy (I know it’s a problem, I’m sorry): I come home exhausted every day. 

God likes the little details. 

But in those little details, He’s pretty crafty about how He teaches big lessons. 

One He’s teaching me right now is this: what is your why? What’s your purpose here?

Our whats are built on whys. 

What we do comes out of our purpose. 

And if my purpose is anything other than loving my God and loving others how He called me to, then it’s a recipe for disaster. 

When I derive my worth and find my value in anything other than Jesus Himself, it always leads to disappointment. 

A high school classroom is the perfect place to learn this. 

One thing we should never do is put our hopes in, above all things, children. Especially the most volatile type: teenagers. 

You can teach your heart out, pull out every stop you want to, and sweat excellence, but these kids? 

These kids gone do what these kids gone do. 

Case in point: I had a *small* crisis of purpose this past week. 

Only, really, it happens so often in education, we just call that a regular ol’ Tuesday. 

I’m in my 11th grade American Lit class, who often laments the difficulties and boredom caused by The Crucible. 

A play with affairs and witch trials? 

WE THINK THIS IS BORING?! WAIT ‘TIL WE GET TO THOMAS PAINE. I’LL SHOW YOU BORING. 

We kicked class off with grammar, as we are wont to do. I’m reviewing participles and gerunds, their functions in a sentence, etc. 

My students? They perceive that we are learning something new. 

ME, personally? I’ve been teaching this information for the PAST FOUR WEEKS. 

So, I went through the whole rig-a-ma-roll of reteaching.

We aren’t going to make it, I’m thinking to myself. 

So, I gave them one of those ‘Momma pep talks’ they just LOVE to hear, and I dropped the EOC- the standardized test we have coming up. 

“When that?” they ask. 

Wanting to correct their grammar but also realizing that this is why we are in this predicament, I let that slide. 

“May,” I huffed. 

“Oh! Man,” they smacked their lips. “Ms. Meadows, we got that.” 

Mrs. Kotara can tell you that, judging by where we are right now, we most certainly do not ‘got that.’

Mrs. Kotara is worried that these kids might just sink the ship. 

So, as you can clearly see, my whole purpose in this gig cannot be about student achievement. 

My concern is more about the one thing I can control: my input. 

I cannot control outcomes. 

You can teach all day long, but they have to make the decision to learn.

So, if I determine my success based solely on their performance, I have put myself in quite the conundrum. 

However, if I daily give 100% and seek to love them as Jesus would- to extend mercy when I need to, to hold them accountable, to show kindness to them, to be excited to see them everyday- that is a far better foundation. 

And that input might bear some fruit. That fruit might be visible in the school year, or it may bear later on down the road. 

I have to be okay with not seeing the outcome. 

My requirement is this: to do all things with a heart and a face that is pointed in the right direction. 

And, in so doing, I will get the highest satisfaction from my job. 

By the way, I don’t think that teachers have the market cornered on fulfillment.

I think that, most likely, it is entirely possible to reach the ultimate satisfaction in whatever you do, so long as you’re oriented in the right way. 

What do we depend on for our fulfillment? 

What gives us purpose? 

Far be it from me, Lord, that I should ever have to leave my job. 

But if I did, and if I had to go and work fast food again, your girl will put that hair net on and turn those fries to the glory of God. 

Now, I have always worked best within parameters. 

So when people say “For the glory of God,” I like to know specifics. I understand where they’re headed, but at the same time, I like things spelled out. 

What does it actually mean to do things to the glory of God? 

For me, it’s this: 

I take nothing for granted. 

I see nothing as coincidence. 

I live out gratitude as best I can. 

And I keep my heart and my face toward heaven.

Therefore, any work can be done to the glory of God. 

Are you wearing spit up or your child’s urine today? Do it to the glory of God. 

Washing cars?

Playing pickleball? 

Negotiating loans? 

Counting on the teller line? 

Frying potato chips? 

Babysitting?

Heading up sales? 

Working on airplanes? 

Hanging IV bags?

God can be given glory in all those places, so long as we are pulling from the right place. 

Jesus told us to seek first the kingdom of God, and all these things will be added to us. 

Now, I know that, here, He spoke of not worrying. 

But I wonder if He also wanted to point us to that place where we would find maximum fulfillment as we live our lives here on Earth. 

Running after physical things- making those things our all- won’t lead to fulfillment. 

We’ll chase those things, and honestly, we’ll probably attain them, but then we won’t be satisfied. 

(And, getting back around to the whole worrying thing, not finding fulfillment in what we’re pursuing is probably a pretty good recipe for anxiety.) 

Jesus, in His kindness and His infinite knowledge of life and us humans specifically, knew that we can only truly find deep satisfaction, high purpose, and even pure joy with a heart that prioritizes the pursuits of life under the pursuit of Him. 

My self-sufficiency gets me into trouble. 

I think Jesus knew my propensity to work myself slap to death in building my own little kingdom- that I could build and build, and that this work could look sturdy to me. 

But, in reality, what looks rock-solid to me turns out to be made of construction paper and masking tape. 

I think Jesus knew what a mess we could get ourselves into, and how heartbreaking it is- how devastated we are- when what we built falls in front of our faces. 

If I do things for the wrong reasons, no matter how good the deed, nothing really matters. 

If I do things for the right reasons, no matter how poorly executed, everything really matters. 

Our acts have eternal impacts and eternal consequences.

That’s something God’s teaching me right now. 

And, by the way? I’ll reteach the verbals next week.